RootsRain

If you ever wanted to know how bizarre Emily and I are, or if you just need a good laugh, read some of our nightly conversations.

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If you’ve ever wished presidential races could be won simply by desire, then head on over to presidentialprizefight.com and battle it out as John McCain or Barack Obama. Winning bouts racks up votes for the Republicans or Democrats in an attempt to win over the electoral representation of that state.

It’s somewhat addictive, so beware.

Emily and I have always had a hard time falling asleep. Okay, actually, it’s just me. I keep her up by my incessant talking. I can’t help it. When the lights go out, my mind thinks I’m in the home stretch and gives it everything it’s got.

Of course, since we’re both tired, our conversations often turn bizarre. For instance, there’s the evening we spent happily insulting each other with fruit:

Jeff: You’re like a pineapple. There’s something sweet inside, but you have to hack it out with a machete.

Emily: Well, you’re like a cluster of grapes. You’re okay as you are, but you’d be better squeezed and sealed in a cask for 100 years.

Jeff: Ha! Well, you’re like an orange. Once you peel away the hard outer layer, there’s a lot of flakiness underneath.

Emily: Oooo… well, you’ve got layers, too, buster. A lot of them. Like an onion. And they all stink.

Of course, Emily’s the queen of half-asleep, back-handed compliments. On one occasion, she’d had a really bad day and hadn’t been terribly nice to me:

Emily: I don’t get it, Jeff. Why don’t you just kill yourself? Why don’t you just crawl under the bed and die?

Jeff: …ummm…

Yet another backhanded gem after several days of frustration with life:

Emily: I know why I’m always depressed. It’s because I’m a genius. Smart people are always more depressed than stupid people…

…but it’s nice that you’re always so happy.

Jeff: …ummm…

And then there’s the totally loopy tradeoffs that make me think we could be brilliant if only we would act more stupid…

Jeff: I was digging a trenchcoat…

Emily: but it made me sweater…

Jeff: so I sat on a bench in the parka…

Emily: but I started to pants…

Jeff: so I hopped in my cardigan…

Emily: but a cop said pull overalls…

Jeff: so I drove slow as a turtleneck…

Emily: At home I popped the hoodie…

Jeff: but the gears were full of sandals…

Emily: so I kicked the tire and stubbed my toga.

If you’ve ever heard Carrie Underwood’s (infamous) song “Jesus, Take the Wheel,” and you love laughing at redneck culture, then you’ll love “Cletus Take the Reel.”

While you’re on there, check out “Home School Family,” too. It’s so true!

Sorry. I just couldn’t resist.

Emily and I went to Tribble Mill Park today after dropping by the house to see what was going on. It looks like they’ve painted, gotten the trim done, put in the cabinets, counters, and plumbing, along with all the flooring except the carpet (hardwood, tile, linoleum). It’s looking like they’ll be finished a month early at this rate.

…when I’m asleep.

Case in point: last night I had a dream. Karen Brinson (my old ceramics teacher from college) got up in the FMA (Founder’s Memorial Amphitorium) at BJU to sing a special during a Bible Conference service. Here’s what she sang:

I’m driving a parked cardigan.
I know how to use this club,
I know how to use this racket,
I know how to take this floor
And get it off my back-et.

And then a bunch of the girls in the balcony started singing the chorus with her (it had apparently been pre-arranged).

I enjoyed the bizarre play on words in the first line and the weird imagery in the last two lines. I have no idea what Freud would do with this one, but I’m confidant that I now know what it’s like to write songs on acid. If only my brain were this creative while I was awake…

Okay, so I promised something rousingly interesting this week in light of my never-ending stream of attic postings. So here it is. A picture of my BJU parking sticker. Seriously. No Photoshopping on this one.

If you’ve seen the original Honda “Choir” commercial, this one will make you cry with laughter.

(If clicking the link doesn’t work, copy and paste this link into your browser window: http://www.bestadsontv.com/ad_details.php?id=2217 )

This is the funniest commercial I’ve seen in a long time.

You may need to do a copy>paste of the address because the address reformats if you just click the link.

http://www.bestadsontv.com/ad_details.php?id=1479